I can't let you do, that, Dave

One of my biggest tasks for this summer was to build myself a gaming PC. Thankfully, I have friends who have substantially more experience in this area than I do, so I wouldn't be left with a motherboard in one hand and a CPU cooler in the other, flailing around like a nerdy seal, and probably making similar noises, too.

The endeavor started out as planned; my best friend and I made a trip to Micro Center and I spent vastly more money than I expected. (See how I think ahead? I expected to spend more money than I expected to spend. That makes it okay, folks.) I left the store with a big smile on my face and an armload of components in hand. Of course, just when I thought I had everything I needed, my friend thought of something else that it was absolutely imperative that I buy. Fans. Zip ties. Brand new top of the line $500+ graphics card. (I flatly said no to this one. It'll come later, but my GTX 260 will last me for a while.) More fans. 4 McGriddles for him for helping me. (I was not aware it was physically possible to consume 4 McGriddles without immediately suffering a debilitating brain aneurysm, heart attack, and a stroke at the same time. Horizons officially broadened.)

By the time I left, I had enough computer parts to choke an orca whale, had blown my entire paycheck, and had a smiling and greasy best friend still trying to convince me to now purchase a surround sound system.We got back to his house, and began assembling the beast. It took a substantially shorter amount of time than I imagined (perhaps largely due to his proficiency in the area), and before long things were starting to come together. But, of course, as “things” are often wont to do at their first chance of escape, difficulties soon set in. My friend had to leave for work, so I was now on my own. After somehow lugging the computer to my car, and then from my car to the basement of my house, I was ready to start. Before he left, my friend had assured me that all I needed to do was pop in my RAM, install my OS, and I would be good to go. I had naively nodded in acquiescence, when in fact I should have began shaking him violently until he did it himself, because I had forgotten one key fact: MICROSOFT HATES N00BS. Sure enough, upon attempting to install my operating system, I was alerted by a nice, shiny error message that my Product Key had expired. I was not aware that such a thing could even occur. Furthermore, I quickly discovered that one of my sticks of RAM was dead. Well, not COMPLETELY dead. Just mostly dead. But dead enough to necessitate more RAM.

Thankfully, once my RAM and new Windows 7 Product Key arrived, my computer began to behave. It is now functioning as an obedient member of my household, and I intend to put it through its paces today. Furthermore, now that it’s up and running, I can trade my old gaming PC to Inanity in exchange for cosplay wigs. Sounds like a fair trade to me!

I can't help feeling that, every time I have a PC related issue, I'm actually waging my own personal battle against Bill Gates. I have started to develop a bitter animosity towards the man, and for absolutely no justifiable reason. It doesn't help that he has to be all Goody-Two Shoes, "I'm helping kids in Tanzania find good drinking water. What have YOU done today?" all the time either. Well, guess what Bill Gates? Today I thought about planting a tree, and then Googled pictures of giraffes for 2-3 minutes. AND THAT'S AS HUMANITARIAN AS I GET.